Should you lower your standards when dating?

So, this lady was sharing her thoughts on relationships and she felt that women need to lower their standards. She said that “wealthy, successful men are looking for only two things: gorgeous women and even if you are successful they do not want that because of the competition. Instead they want a woman who is a 10”. 

So here is my opinion: I disagree. And here is why.

Firstly, women do not need to lower their standards and that wealthy, successful men want only uber-gorgeous women. Why? I have had several clients who are beautiful women but will not fall into the category of an uber-gorgeous woman.

Secondly, I do not rate people with numbers, I think that is so limited. If you ask me I will say infinity because I am a spiritual being and this is a physical expression and that is the most basic part of who I am, so I do not rate myself or people based on that. 

Now, I am not a relationship coach but when my clients come to me for womanhood work they eventually reclaim their fire, you awaken and you will start to attract everything good and right for you. And I have had several clients wake up to their womanhood, start to do these things and it was not about getting into the gym and getting the perfect body that will make you a 10. No, they started living a certain way and I will give you an example. Someone in her 50s who had not dated in about a decade, she did the work and found the love of her life. We did the work, and the work is not about how to date because I do not do that. She did the work on reclaiming her Womanhood and I tell you that to date I have had the privilege of having dinner with her and her husband and he is crazy about her and he is a successful wealthy man! 

So, the idea that all wealthy men are looking for one template of a 10 is such a reductive, limited way of thinking and the other side of it is that the men you should be desiring are “wealthy men”. You know, wealth is just one little piece of it. Yes, you want someone with financial responsibility and financial success, but is it the thing? I would not put that as the number one thing for myself. And in the same way, the men that I know are conscious, thoughtful men and the kind I will want for myself and anyone I care about, they love beautiful women but it is not their number one thing. 

So, when you put yourself in these conversations where women are reduced to the size of their bodies and men to the size of their bank account. You find that they are reductive, limiting, and do not add value. So the next time someone asks you where you rate yourself, say infinity. Because you are so much more than all that, you are literally created in the image of God. 

So, on the issue of lowering your standards, let me tell you what the biggest issue is. The issue is about alignment! When you have a person in alignment with you, that is the game-changer. When you are in alignment you fit, it is a perfect fit. So, if you have not done the inner work and do not know who you are you find that you do not know what you really want. If you do not know who you really are, you will not know what you really want. There are so many women who want to date a certain kind of man because they want to be validated for having dated a certain type of man, but that kind of man won’t even make you happy! But you want to say “Yes, I have this kind of man, he wanted me!” but this form of validation will only make you deeply unhappy. 

Have a partner who is in alignment with you! However, this is not possible if you don’t know who you are. Many of us do not know ourselves truly, we perform a version of ourselves in line with what we think is accurate. We have created a life around the façade, but deep down inside we know that something is lacking. Now, I tell single women, “the best thing to do is to start investing in your inner work” because the worst thing you can do is to “partner with someone from that place of inauthenticity” because you don’t even know yourself and you get someone who does not know you. So, instead of being aligned you really are just laying on top of each other and over time you both start to grind and if he wakes up or you wake up, you have what many call a mid-life crisis or what I like to call a mid-life awakening and then you stop fitting and it becomes difficult and painful. People have so many ways of handling this and that is why you see more women initiating divorces in their forties because they are now in an awakening state. 

So, this issue of lowering your standards is not the conversation, the conversation is knowing yourself well enough to partner with one who is in alignment with you. Ask yourself: Do you know yourself truly, and are those your authentic needs? 

You can watch the rest of this live video here.

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